


Screw It

by HomoForce



Category: Social Network (2010) RPF
Genre: M/M, crackship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-04
Updated: 2013-01-04
Packaged: 2017-11-23 14:24:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/623145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HomoForce/pseuds/HomoForce
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joe knows how he feels about Armie, and he's willing to screw it all to be with him. </p>
<p>*The italics are Joe's thoughts*</p>
<p>**Yes, this is a Hamzello crackship fic, I wrote it for a friend and it's rather silly but worth a read.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Screw It

_Shuffle papers to the left, on top of the old papers. “To the left, to the left-“ No Joe. Don’t sing that to yourself. Grown men don’t sing that song to themselves.  Actually, grown men don’t even sing to themselves at all. Well, unless you’re Justin Timberlake. Geez, thinking about him again? I really should call him up to hang out. Back to the papers, umm…that one over there and this one here._

_Wait, was that a car door slam? Oh my god, Armie’s home. Shit, don’t smile to yourself. It’s just Armie. JUST ARMIE._

Ever since Armie asked Joe to move in with him, Joe can’t keep it together. He can’t just be his dorky, making stupid jokes self. He has to- well, wants to be mature for Armie.

Armie walks in the door and lays his bag on the couch. He just stands there. Looking, staring, crossing his arms over his massive chest, across the kitchen island and smiling his thousand-watt-smile at Joe.

_Focus on the papers Mazzello. You can do it._

After a good minute, Armie moves from his place around the counter to Joe. He’s standing directly behind him, with his junk pressed against Joe’s ass. Joe squirms with surprise, but it’s pleasant. Armie rests his chin on Joe’s shoulder, leaning his head against Joe’s. “Watcha doing?” the tone of Armie’s voice is playful. _Damn this is gonna be hard._ “Sorting my papers for school”.

“Fun stuff.” Armie’s hulk hands slide to Joe’s waist. “Wha-” he picks up Joe by the hips and sits him on the counter, facing towards Armie. “Hello Joseph”. _Well, screw the papers._ “Hi Armand.” Armie cringes at the sound of his full name.

“Oh so you can call me Joseph, but I can’t call you Armand?”

“Yep” Armie says with a smile and rests his hands on Joe’s thighs. Joe giggles with delight and Armie smiles again, but bigger this time. Their eyes lock for the first time today, and Armie leans his forehead against Joe’s. “Wanna hear a joke?” _Screw maturity,_ Joe learned a new one today. “Yeah sure.” Armie is always a good sport when it comes to Joe’s silliness. 

“What’s slimy, cold, and long and smells like pork?” _This is gonna be good._ Armie has a puzzled look on his face, and shrugs his shoulder.

“Kermit the frog’s finger!”

Armie bursts out laughing; his big, booming laugh, right in Joe’s face. He likes it though. “It’s not that great” Joe laughs out. “Yes, yes it is” Armie is so easily amused by Joe. It’s great.

They finish laughing, and fall into a comfortable silence. Armie’s smile is still glowing. His eyes scan up and down Joe’s face. He leans his face in more, and his body follows. His enormous pink lips are really close to Joe’s. _Dear God._ Armie presses his lips to Joe’s. Everything goes blank.

Joe leans his thighs more into Armie’s hand, pressing for his touch. The kissing - it’s sloppy, messy, relaxed. Armie slides a hand under Joe’s shirt. Joe shivers and Armie giggles through their locked lips. The hand doesn’t stop moving though. It seems Joe’s shirt has slipped off, as if by magic. Armie runs his fingers over Joe’s beer belly, down to his belt buckle. _Someone’s not wasting any time._ He pulls it undone and off go Joe’s pants. _My turn._ Joe pushes his hands up Armies polo and pulls it off over his head. When Armie’s arms are free, he wraps them around Joe, kissing him harder. Joe feels so safe surrounded by Armie. He doesn’t have to care about anything else right now, just being with Armie. 

Kissing Armie is so natural, it’s as easy as breathing; Joe can’t help but lose all feeling though. Armie is wrapped around him and the warm sunlight is splashed across their faces. He never wants to let go, and lucky for him, he never has to.

The soft rock music is still playing on the TV and it makes the mood even more….full. Armie’s heart is beating calmly through his bare chest, as is Joe’s.

_Wait, why are Armie’s pants still on?_ Without hesitation, Joe’s hand goes for the button that’s keeping Armie’s pants closed and holding back the monster within them. But before he makes any progress, a hand stops him. Armie pulls his lips off Joe’s and breaths in his ear “Save it for the bedroom.” Joe feels his pulse speed up and a wave of excitement pushes through his body.

He can hardly contain himself, his lips pushing back into Armie’s. Armie takes this as an invitation to engulf Joe in his arms. Without thinking, Joe wraps his legs around Armie’s waist. He tries to cross his ankles, but can’t reach because of Armie’s wide, muscular waist.

With a graceful pull, Armie places a hand in the small of Joe’s back and one underneath his butt, lifting him off the counter. He turns on his toes, carrying Joe like a child out of the kitchen.

Through the sloppy kissing, it’s difficult to navigate and they bump into the wall, but eventually find their way to the stairs. Joe moves his lips to Armie’s neck and wraps a hand around the back of Armie’s bicep. Armie dashes up the stairs like a prince, with ease and quick, light bounds.

Before Joe knows it, he’s being laid on Armie’s bed with a massive man getting on top of him.

The touch of their lips is making a loud smacking noise, and it’s just turning Joe on. He goes for Armie’s pants again and is successful, pulling the size XL trousers off. To his luck, the boxers come off right along with the pants.

Armie takes the opportunity to take off Joe’s boxers, while Joe is distracted by Armie’s cock. Not just the fact that he’s seeing it, but the size of it. Their cocks are lying right next to each other and Joe feels so tiny in comparison. Armie’s dick is like a 32 ounce Pepsi Max ready to overflow with flavor and drive Joe’s taste buds wild. _Oh my god._

And the nervousness rushes back. Joe can feel his heart beat rise and his palms get sweaty. _Why Why Why Fuck Why._ Joe can’t remember anytime throughout his life he was this nervous, and he has good reason to be. Not only is this his first time, and now this giant shows up! _What have I gotten myself into?! Armie’s probably so much more experienced and my dick looks like a freaking carrot compared to his! I-_ Joe’s rambling train of thought is interrupted by Armie.

He’s giggling. Not laughing; giggling. _Are you fucking serious? Now he’s laughing at the size of my cock._ Joe must have had a panicked expression on his face because Armie stopped giggling and looked concerned.

“Oh god, no Joe. I wasn’t laughing at the size of your….I was giggling because of the look on your face when you saw my penis.” Armie’s looking at Joe with wide eyes.

“Oh, yeah….it’s just…you’re so big…that I…” Joe’s at a loss for words. Armie smiles looking confused. He doesn’t know whether he should back off or keep going. 

Joe catches on with Armie’s train of thought, “…Oh no, I can handle it!”

“I never doubted you could”. Armie’s expression has relaxed and he inches his lips back to Joe’s. _Time to take control Mazzello._ Joe may be tiny, but he’s seen enough porn to know how to handle this.

Joe pushes himself up so that Armie has no choice but to roll onto his back. He gets on top and Armie’s eyes looked impressed. _Wait till you see this._ Joe moves his lips to Armie’s neck and slowly sucks till he can feel Armie’s boner on his thigh. He slowly moves his lips down Armie’s orgasmic collar bones, over his massive pecks, down to his abs. They are rock hard and Joe feels no give when he kisses them.

Armie’s breathing is heavier and Joe realizes he’s causing Armie’s shortness of breath. He is doing this to Armie, Armie wants it, and so does he. Joe takes the moment to realize just how horny he is and continues down until he reaches Armie’s shlong.

It’s even more massive up close and he hears himself catch his breath. _Let’s do this._ Joe opens his mouth wide and places it down on Armies dick. Within the first two seconds Joe already feels like he’s going to choke but he starts sucking to get things moving. His hands hold Armie’s thighs as Joe steadies himself.

He continues to suck and moves his tongue along the bottom of Armie’s cock. Up and down, up and down along with the sucking motion. Armie is moaning Joe’s name and has a hand resting on Joe’s ginger head.

Armie is ready to come, Joe can feel it, but he’s not letting go. He pushes his mouth forward so Armie’s dick is as far back as it can go in his throat. Joe keeps sucking, each time his mouth smacking on Armie getting louder. Armie lets out a moan that sounds like “Jj-oeee” and Joe feels hot semen in his mouth.

He can taste it, sending his taste buds into a frenzy. He pulls of Armie’s cock and swallows what’s left in his mouth. Joe is so shocked with himself that all he can do it stare at Armie’s penis. _What the hell did I just do?_ He looks up at Armie, who is staring at the ceiling and smiling.

Armie meets Joe’s eyes and pulls him up so they are face to face and kissing again.  

Joe never knew he had such balls. Never in his life had he imagined going down on anybody let alone a guy! This was crazy, but it was all real.

When they first started filming last year, Joe never even thought he and Armie would be more than cast mates. Armie was this big, brooding, handsome guy, and Joe was this regular sized, mildly attractive, goofball. 

He remembers the first time actually meeting Armie. They were sitting in a conference room going over their scripts for the millionth time. Even though Joe didn’t have many lines, he still had to attend; even when they were all memorized.  Armie was sitting across the table, next to Josh and right between Justin and Andrew.  Jesse was on Joe’s side and Rooney on his other; and Brenda next to Rooney. Aaron and David were at the heads of the table. And Max was sitting next Justin.

They were all finished reading through and were having a discussion about Facebook, of course. Joe had made a joke about his Facebook, and everyone had turned to stare at him. Apparently he was the only one with a Facebook page. He suddenly got embarrassed and muttered “Yeah…it was just something I made in College.  So my friends could keep up with my beer drinking.” It didn’t make sense, but Armie laughed. Only Armie though, no one else; they had all went back to another conversation.

After they finished at the table and were released, Armie came up to Joe as he was gathering his things.

“Hi, Joe right?”

“Yeah, and you’re Armie.” Joe said matter-of-factly.

“Haha, yeah. Nice joke back there- I had thought about making a Facebook too; but I realized I wouldn’t have anyone to add.” Armie looked almost shy.

“Well, if you had made one, I would accept your friend request.” What was Joe doing?

Armies face lit up with a smile, “Ha…Thanks.  I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yep. And the day after that, and after that and- you get my point.” God, was Joe always this awkward?

“I do. See you then” Armie said with a grin and walked away.

Joe had a feeling that “I do” meant more than he thought. But more strangely, he had just flirted with Armie; and Armie had flirted back.

That day was followed by the next and they continued to talk; it was small, but flirty. And it stayed like this, until a certain Friday. Armie had come up to Joe after lunch and asked him if he was busy tonight. Joe said no unless you considered hanging out with your cats busy. Armie had laughed again and asked Joe if he wanted to go to this new bar with him. Joe never passed up an opportunity to go drinking, and said yes.

The hours before that night, Joe was nervous as hell. He didn’t know what this was, or where it was going. He thought, that maybe, this was a date; until he got there to see Jesse, Andrew, Justin and Max standing along the bar, next to Armie.

Armie spotted him out of the crowd and smiled at him. Joe greeted the group, they all got drinks and chatted before breaking up and hitting the dance floor. Jesse and Andrew went out on the floor together and ended up grinding and crap. Jesse looked nervous the whole time, but you could tell he was enjoying it. Justin went off in search of some ladies, while Max sat at the bar with Armie and Joe.

“You guys don’t have to sit here with me. I can chill by myself if you two wanna go dance.” Max couldn’t really do much considering he had a girlfriend back home.

“How about it? You want to dance?”  Joe didn’t realize the question was directed at him at first, he was watching Andrew and Jesse through his drunken haze; they were having a good time over there. 

“Uh yeah, sure.” Armie grabbed Joe’s hand and dragged him out on the dance floor. They were grinding and dancing and having a good time until a slow song came on. The music was rather romantic and Armie’s face was really close to Joe’s. They were breathing heavy from dancing and Armie’s eyes were wild.

He took Joe’s hand and pulled him towards the back of the bar to one of the dark corners. He pressed Joe up against the wall and kissed him- full on the mouth.  Joe would have pulled back, had he not been drunk. They stayed there kissing, for a while. Armie’s hands were wandering all over Joe’s chest and they even squeezed his butt once or twice. Joe kept his arms resting behind Armie’s neck. The rest of that night was vague but Joe knew he had somehow managed to get in a cab and go home.

The next morning, Joe dreaded going to work. He was sure it was going to be awkward as hell. Jesse and Andrew had showed up at the exact same time that morning, and looked a little bit guilty; Joe guessed they had spent the night together, but decided not to bring it up. The morning wasn’t as awkward as he thought it would be though.

 Armie made small talk with him, as always and flirted some. It was going on around nine that night when they were finally released to go home. Joe was slow leaving and was one of the last ones out of the building. As he made his way to the parking lot, he saw a tall figure leaning against his car. It wasn’t until he got closer that he saw it was Armie.

“Hey Joe.” Armie looked calm, while Joe was freaking out inside.

“H-Hi. What’s up?” Armie motioned for him to come closer; Joe listened, but apparently not well enough. Armie grabbed him by the waist and pulled him up against him. With nothing to do, Joe rested his hands on Armie’s arms, which were still at his hips.

“What happen last night…was intentional.  I like you Joe, that’s why I kissed you.” Armie was being really straight forward.

“Really?” Joe couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“Yeah. And I thought you liked me too, so I took action upon it.” Armie was waiting for something.

“I…um- I like you too. I just thought you had made a drunk mistake last night.”

“You were the drunk one, not me.” Armie paused. “So, I guess I kinda took advantage of you.” He looked down sheepishly.

“Uh, it’s okay.” Joe didn’t know where this was going.

“I like what we have Joe. And I’d...uh, like to continue it. You know, like date and stuff? But I was kinda waiting for your consent to ask you out.” Joe wasn’t sure he was hearing right.

“You were going to ask me out?” He had to make sure his jaw wasn’t hanging open.

“Yeah, I mean…yes I was. So Joe, do you want to go out with me?” Armie looked so hopeful.

“Yeah, of course…yes.” Armie smiled and so did Joe.

“Alright, awesome.  Tomorrow night, after work?”

“Yeah, after work” Joe smiled again, and Armie leaned down and kissed him on the cheek. Blushing, Joe pulled himself off Armie.

Armie said goodbye and walked to his car getting in, and driving off but not before stopping to beep his horn at Joe. Joe had gone home that night happy as ever.

The months that followed that, they flirted at work, went out at night, and sometimes spent time on each other’s couches making out.  Even after the movie wrapped, they continued seeing each other whenever they could. Until the day Armie asked him to move in. Joe had accepted of course and here they were now, lying buck naked on Armie’s bed.

Joe forgets his flashback and comes back to reality. Armie is beneath him and they are kissing sloppily. Joe feels the warmth of Armies body against his, he feels Armie’s sucking breath in his abdomen, he has never been this connected with Armie; and it feels amazing.

Armie reaches over to the bed side table and pulls open a drawer. Joe busy is running his hands up and down Armie’s chest, and sucking on his lips to notice. Armie lays whatever he pulled out on the bed next to them and sits up some. Joe doesn’t care what Armie’s doing and continues to kiss his lips. It’s all so perfect, Joe is resting against Armie as they kiss passionately, and Armie’s holding him tight.  The rushes of safety like this make everything they have been through worth it.

Joe is completely content until Armies pulls away. His face doesn’t look displeased though. Armie sits up more, and moves himself behind Joe. Joe twists his shoulders so he can look at Armie.

Armie reaches around Joe and picks up what was laying there; a bottle of lube and a condom. Joe gives Armie a ‘ _What is that’_ look. Armie smiles at him and kisses his neck. Obviously Joe knows what those are, but had no idea they would be using them. It takes a second for Joe to realize something is touching his butt. He feels Armies hard on pressed against his crack. Joe squirms with surprise and hears a snapping noise. He turns his head to see Armie opening the lube. He watches Armie slicks up his fingers and brings his hand to Joe’s ass. Joe is nearly shaking; he’s nervous, hot and dripping out on the bed. But he trusts Armie; he knows that whatever happens, Armie will be there next to him. And he does love him.

He feels the tip of Armie’s fingers inching into his hole. As they make their way in, Joe feels himself catching breaths and a bit of pain courses through his body, but he knows this is nothing compared to what’s coming. Joe swears he heard Armie muttering “god, you’re tight”, but chooses to ignore it do to the fact that Armie is kissing his neck and making it all blur.

Joe feels the fingers slide out after what seems forever. He hears more lube being applied presumably to Armie’s dick. Armie is sweaty, and pressed against Joe; his hard cock on Joes crack again. He’s planting kisses on Joe’s neck as his cock slides into Joe. Joe arches his back and moans, but Armies hands are gently holding him down at his hips. He hears Armie muttering loving things into his neck, but can’t make them out.

With all the pain there is some pleasure. Armie’s massive dick is forceful, and makes Joe feel weak at the knees, but it also makes him hot and wanting more after each thrust. Joe feels Armie’s hand on his dick, jerking him off in unison with his hip thrusts.  They are both sweaty and messy and about to come.

He can feel Armie about to pull out, but he reaches his hand around a holds him there. He feels Armie and himself come at the same time, and a pleasured sigh is released from both of them. Armie takes his hand off Joe’s dick and pulls out, peeling the condom off and dumping it in the trash can next to the bed.

Joe rolls over and looks into Armie’s eyes. They are bright, while the rest of Armie is hot and sticky. Joe still thinks he looks damn good though. Armie leans in and kisses him on the nose. Joe giggles and runs a hand through Armie’s soft messy hair. In this moment, Joe is happy to just be here. With Armie, all in all.

“So we really are a bunch of cock suckers aren’t we?” Joe giggles at recalling Armie’s saying.

Armie giggles as well and his eyes light up asking _you remembered?_ He nods yes, and pulls Joe in so he’s got his arms wrapped around him. Joe sighs and rests his head against Armie’s massive chest kissing one of his pecks. He can feel his eyes getting heavy and he wants to fall asleep but he’d rather watch Armie.

He looks up to see Armie’s eyes already closed, but a smile on his face. Armie must have felt his gaze because he muttered “I love you Joe.”  Joe felt butterflies in his stomach and his heart almost leapt. _So this is what love feels like_ he thought. “I love you too Armie.”

It was getting late, and they were both sticky and had work tomorrow. But _Screw it._ This was their time. 

 


End file.
